One of the blogs I follow makes me chuckle more than pontificate, but that’s why I follow it. This would explain why I was floored when reading this post – it has been on my mind for days now. Powerful stuff and very much what I needed to hear as this new year got going. I did chuckle, but the thoughtfulness that followed has been wonderful. Check out Jon Acuff’s post HERE.
His words led me to reflect on what I’m feeling now. Today. Right now this minute, actually. Fear. Worry. Stress. More specifically, much of those feelings are wrapped up in a new marriage ministry I’m starting at the church. Yes, you heard that right – I am starting a marriage ministry . . . yes, me, the one who was separated last year and almost divorced. Who better to realize the importance of such a support ministry than a person who has lived it?
Anyway, this ministry will be huge (or, at least, I’m planning it to be). We are all jazzed about it and I’ve already recruited some great folks for the leadership team. Event dates have been chosen. A logo is being created. The program tools are in place. And, yet, I’m wigging. No, really. I’m literally worrying about this thing all day, every day. The doubts that flood my head are tremendous. The worry keeps me up at night. But, why? I truly don’t doubt my capabilities, nor do I doubt the capabilities of those I’m working with. And, I feel very certain that this is a ministry put upon my heart by God (actually, I’ve felt that for a couple of years now). So what’s the deal?
After reading Jon’s post I realized that, although there is no serpent in a tree tempting me with an apple, I am living my life right now as if someone told me that this couldn’t be done, wouldn’t be done well, or some variation of that. It’s as though the fear and worry plaguing me is actually making me believe that I simply “can’t” when I know in my heart that I can.
How do we, especially those of us who are Christians, lay aside the worry and doubt (the “naked”) and reclaim who we are? As a child of God we are full of worth and we are loved. As a creation of the almighty we are created in God’s image. The gifts God have blessed us all. But, what I am coming to realize, is that there is no room for shame when I claim who I am as a child of God. I’m never naked when I’m clothed in righteousness! It’s just not okay for fear and worry to rule my life . . . especially when God’s call to a specific ministry is on the line!
My “serpent” is fear, doubt and worry. They keep telling me I can’t do this or what I’m striving for won’t be successful. This serpent was whispering in my ear all through my marital issues telling me to doubt my husband, doubt my marriage, and throw hope out of the window. I stopped listening to them then, and I’m going to stop listening to them now. Hope can be stronger than fear if you let it. And, I’m hoping that as I reclaim who I am as a child of God, gifted and loved, I will then be restored to the person I’m called to be. I know that person is here, somewhere underneath the fear, worry and doubt. I’m looking forward to meeting her. Real soon.