I had to have “the talk” with my teenage daughter last night. No, not that one. The other talk – the relationship talk. She has her first boyfriend and after two months of bliss, I felt it was time to go beyond the birds and the bees with her and discuss appropriate and inappropriate physical relationships. Of course, she was just as mortified as I was to have this conversation. But, she was a trooper and I managed to not pass out, so it ended up being a great conversation.
After about an hour of me sharing stories, giving examples of “appropriate” and “inappropriate,” my daughter looked me straight in the eyes and said, “But, mom, what if I say “no” and he breaks up with me? What if he doesn’t love me anymore?” My response was quick and firm, “If he reacts that way, he never really loved you to begin with.” I went on to remind her that God loves her no matter what – God loves you in the good, in the bad, and in the ugly. When you love, it’s a patient and kind love. He needs to love her for who she is and he needs to show kindness, patience and understanding as she declares her desire for a platonic relationship.
Before she went to bed last night she came running down the stairs with a huge smile on her face as she showed me the text correspondence between them. Apparently she “laid down the law” with him and even opened up about her fear that he will break up with her over it. His reply? He simply typed back, “Of course I wouldn’t break up with you. I understand and I love you <3.” She was on cloud nine, I was relieved, and all was right with the world again. Well, that is until her dad got home and I had to share all of this with him. I think he’s still reeling from the fact that his baby girl is growing up, but he did acknowledge that the conversation needed to happen. So, progress, I suppose :).
The love God gives us is such a beautiful thing, and is an example of how we should love others. I know that “unconditional love” is something that is very hard to offer and accept – hence why God is the one who gives it best. We mere humans try, but struggle as feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment keep us from loving someone regardless of their flaws or the hurt they cause us. Or, in my daughter’s case, love us even when we won’t give them something that they want from us. I learned this myself in my own marriage – loving your spouse (or anyone, for that matter) isn’t about what you can get FROM them, it’s about what you can GIVE TO them . . . without expecting anything in return. Interestingly enough, forgiveness works the same way. To truly forgive is to forgive them their debt to you – to not expect any rerecompense from them in return for the pain they caused you. Just forgive the past and move on. That is true forgiveness – and loving without expectations of reciprocation is true love.
Friends, we have that true love, every second of every day. This love is the love of our God – the God who loved us so much He sent His Son for us. Trust in this love – a love that won’t “break up” with you when you sin . . . a love that will be patient, kind and understanding . . . a love that expects nothing in return and will love you regardless of your faith. We are literally embraced by this today. Do you feel it? Are you assured and warmed by it? I am . . . praise be to God!
Monica's Musings 