Merits of “Indian” Time

Prior to my last semester in seminary, I went on a two week “Cross Cultural Experience” to Cherokee, NC.  This worked out well because my masters thesis was on the impact of Christianity on the Cherokee culture.  It was a great two weeks and even today I reminisce as I gaze upon the Blue Ridge Mountains.

As wonderful as the experience was, it was frustrating at times because I had to adapt to the “Indian” way of doing things (I’m using their term).  We were partnered with a local pastor named Sol and he was to begin his work with us (I traveled with a fellow classmate) the next morning at 9 am so that we could do in-home rural visitations.  The following morning I woke up, got ready, and waited by the front door.  Literally two hours later, Sol showed up.  He said “hello” and, without any kind of “sorry I’m late,” we merely got into his vehicle and went about our day.

The following two days were the same – he would give us a time, then he’d drift in around two hours later.  This schedule-oriented girl was gritting her teeth and was about to go nuts.  I must have been really bad at hiding my frustrations because Sol explained to me the merits of “Indian Time.”  Apparently he, nor many other Cherokee, wore watches.  They just “get there when they get there.”  He encouraged me to take my watch off and give it a try during the remaining days of this trip.  I prayed about it and decided it was worth a try.  I mean, honestly, Sol was literally THE most laid back and calm person I’d ever met.  If I could get just an ounce of that calm in my life I’d be doing good .

It took about three days for me to not care about what time it was.  It was bizarre, really.  I remember the first morning waking up in a panic because I had no idea what time it was, if I was late or not, or anything.  I had restless sleep for worrying about when to wake up.  But, after a few days, I slept like a rock.  And, honestly, trying to acclimate to my school routine after getting home was tough and I missed “Indian Time.”  I missed it a lot.

My next post will contradict this a little, but let me share with you the merits of “Indian Time” just in case you need some peace in your life:

1. Living without a watch made me live in the “now” instead of focusing on what comes next (I love the quote “Be here now”)
2. Living without a watch allowed me the freedom to arrive on my time – sometimes I think we push ourselves to get to a place earlier than we are meant to.  I believe we should arrive when we are truly ready to get there.
3. Living without a watch allowed for quality time talking with people.  Even today I have to remember to focus on what is being said by other people when in my  head I’m thinking of what time I need to get to my next thing.  In Cherokee I sat and talked with people for hours and never cared what time it was.  It was bliss.  I miss that.
4. Finally, living without a watch gave me the alone time I needed to meditate and pray – and do those things without the burden of time limits.  I reconnected with God in a deep way over those two weeks.  Living without time constraints was worth it for that reason alone.

Now I’m not advocating that we all throw away our alarm clocks and blow off work, school, appointments, etc.  Rather, I’m sharing this with you as I sit in my hotel room at Annual Conference, gazing at the mountains, and realizing the importance of being.  I have found that the schedules and time constraints get in the way of being who I need to be at times.  Losing the watch is definitely a good place to start.  Or, at least, schedule in time to go without the watch .

We’ll Just Get Through It

I was reminded recently of my weak humanity as I began struggling with fears and anxieties that I thought I had a good handle on.  In my life, as I’m sure in most peoples, I have endured struggles, hardships, and traumas.  My counselor likened my anxieties to “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” in that I experience fear the moment I begin to feel safe – as though any moment the rug will be pulled out from under me.  It’s terrifying, really, to live your life in that spiral because it can be utterly paralyzing.

This past week was one of those weeks.  Nothing bad happened.  All was well in my household.  I can’t even put my finger on what it was other than the fact that I was happy and relaxed.  My counselor explained to me that it’s my brains “flight or fight” mechanism at work and it begins trying to protect me and keep me on high alert.  Sounds strange seeing as though I haven’t been through war or any physical trauma at all.  But, the events in my life led me to this point, so here I am.  For some awful reason, “safe” triggers “fear.”

This morning I was speaking to my wonderful senior pastor, Jan, and she was telling me that I can’t be worried about the “what ifs” of life because I know for certain the “eternity” I belong in.  That is what I can always feel secure with.  That is the one truth that will never fail me.  Jan shared with me that her mother is facing some medical tests and her response to getting the results was, “Well, whatever it is, we’ll just get through it.”  And, of course, I can just see her sweet face with that beautiful smile saying just those words.  What peace she must feel in her “eternity” to be able to face any medical test result with such grace.  I want that peace, too.

I’ve been mulling over Jan’s words all morning.  I opened my Bible and read some of my favorite verses.  I prayed earnestly for peace.  I think I have it now (or “for” now, perhaps).  I know I can’t be “cured” of anxiety and fear, but those two things are within my control.  I can’t do a thing about others in my life and circumstances caused by others in my life, but I can do something about how I respond to those circumstances.  And, God is always working in those circumstances with deep love for me.  My eternity is secure.  That is the peace I will take with me today.  With God, I will get through it. Amen.

Never Stop Pursuing

I simply adore my God!  The way he speaks to me in a multitude of different ways.  Sometimes, the message is so blatant that it’s as though he’s next to me with a bullhorn screaming, “HELLO!!!  CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?”  Yes, yes dear Lord I hear you!

Last week I was facilitating a session of the Orientation to Ministry event involving our Bishop and several Deacons, Elders and Local Pastors in our conference.  This was huge for me because I was “in charge” of putting this thing together.  I was a nervous wreck because the audience was full of folks who were heading to their very first appointments.  What I said and how I led the other facilitators was key to what they took with them to their first appointments in the local church.  I wanted this to be wonderful for each and every one of them.

When I closed our time together last week, I led a time of devotion using Paul’s letter to the Philippians – a passage that has come to mean so much to me in my own ministry:

(Chapter 3) 12 It’s not that I have already reached this goal or have already been perfected, but I pursue it, so that I may grab hold of it because Christ grabbed hold of me for just this purpose. 13 Brothers and sisters, I myself don’t think I’ve reached it, but I do this one thing: I forget about the things behind me and reach out for the things ahead of me. 14 The goal I pursue is the prize of God’s upward call in Christ Jesus. 15 So all of us who are spiritually mature should think this way, and if anyone thinks differently, God will reveal it to him or her. 16 Only let’s live in a way that is consistent with whatever level we have reached.

I shared this passage because it reminds me daily of the need for personal growth both spiritually and professionally.  We are in “pursuit” of perfection, which means we never stop running toward that goal.  If we stop, we drift further away from it.  I’ve experienced that first-hand as I became so complacent in my previous appointment.  I was literally going through the motion of ministry instead of growing in ministry.  Now, I am intentional about growing as I read books, attend conferences, build relationships with others, and bathe it all in prayer.  It was important to me that this message reached the ears of these first appointment pastors because after the excitement of that new appointment wears off, they will be faced with the opportunity to put off the pursuit and embrace complacency.  My prayer is that they hear Paul’s words and remember to keep up the race and revel in it!

And, as it usually goes, I’ve been pondering this concept ever since leaving the session last week.  So, today, I open my email and get a great blog post from Craig Jutila about this very thing.  So, yes God, I hear you!

 

The Box

I’m reading a book that was on Bishop Goodpaster’s recommended book list.  It’s called “Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box.”  I don’t think I’ve highlighted so much in a book on my Kindle before . . . or, said “OH SNAP!” out loud so often!  I’m still reading, but as I turn every page a new revelation is revealed to me about my own life “inside the box.”

It’s funny, really, how we get into unhealthy patterns in life.  It’s even  more interesting how many of us have these patterns and really don’t realize it!  This book shines a very bright light right on these patterns and does a good job leading us into it so that we don’t get defensive and stop reading.  The book is written in a neat, storytelling way that has been enjoyable to read and has kept my interest.  It leads the reader through the “problem” then tries to help alleviate it.  I like it so far.

One thing that has come back to me over and over is this quote:  ”One way, I experience myself as a person among people.  The other way, I experience myself as the person among objects.  One way, I’m out of the box; the other way I’m in the box.”  Now, I can’t really pour out the entire story before this quote, but what you get here is an issue I believe I have in ministry.  Until I began reading this book, I’d be the first to tell you that one of my “spiritual gifts” was compassion.  Most people would probably agree with that and state that I am “warm” and “caring” and “personable.”  And, they’d be right . . . on the surface.

OK – I’m about to admit something about myself that is a huge flaw that has developed over many years in ministry.  I just pray you will offer me some grace after I say that out loud.  Many times, when I am talking with a church member on Sunday mornings or if I run into them out in public, I’m “working.”  I don’t mean that to say that I don’t care what the person is saying, or that I’m not listening.  But, I can say, with honesty, that sometimes I don’t know their name, I am halfway listening and halfway thinking of things I need to be doing.  At this new appointment, I haven’t worked as hard as I should to know everyone’s name and something about them.  I believe that more times than not I am the person among objects.  That is just awful.

You see, as I realized this when reading I felt terrible.  Then, I asked myself whether I really cared about these people, or were they objects to me.  I do see them as people, I discerned, but I treat them as objects, which is wrong.  I believe I have arrived at this unhealthy pattern by years of putting on the “church” face.  I didn’t have to do that, I just did.  It was easier to do my “job” when I had on the “church” face.

I’m not sure this really makes sense if you haven’t read the book, but I felt that others in ministry may find themselves living the same pattern . . . living in the box when it comes to the people they minister to.  I know, for me anyway, that I do NOT want to live like this, nor do I want to treat my dear church family as objects instead of people.  So, I’m trying to live out of the box and this means that I have made a conscience effort to know names, faces and personal details about them . . . one person at a time.  I’ve made an effort to be fully present in conversations, so much so that I’ve begun writing down notes (if I can) after a conversation so that I remember what was said and can reflect on it later.  Anything I can do to treat these wonderful people the way they should be treated by one of their ministry leaders.

Once I finish the book, I’ll reflect more.  Peace!

Time Matters

The theme of last week’s Orange Conference was “Focus” and this theme was centered around our focus on those we love and minister to – that could be our family, the kids and others in our church, etc.  They used marbles in a jar to count down how many weeks we have left to influence the kids in our lives before they turn 18.  To the left is a photo of the number of weeks we have left once our kids turn 14 – only 208 weeks.  That hit me hard because my daughter will be 14 this year.

What was ironic (not sure I’m using that word right, but go with it) last week was the fact that they kept us there for four days and didn’t release us to head home until late Friday night.  And, yet, we were told over and over again how little time we have left with our kids.  Honestly, what that did was encourage me to skip the last session Friday and head home early enough to see my kids before they go to bed.  I missed them terribly, and, after hearing how “my time matters” so much to them in their young lives, I felt compelled to make it happen sooner rather than later.  So, I arrived home around 8 pm Friday and enjoyed a great evening with my family!

It did bring me to pause and consider how I’m spending my time.  They counted the marbles in weeks to demonstrate that, as church leaders, we typically only have one day a week to touch the lives of the children in our community.  But I couldn’t help but apply this not only to church, but to my own life.  I spend my time doing other things more often than I dedicate time to my children like I should.  So, that is changing.  My kids need me NOW because the time I spend with them MATTERS.  Yea, I get it.

This is biblical, too.  Jesus treasured the children (as we all should) and when it comes to their care and the time we should pour into them, I think Jesus would scold most of us for not doing enough.  We only have them for a short period of time – it goes by so fast (and that makes me sad every time I think about it).  What we do now matters.  Yes, I get it.

Today is the day to begin placing appropriate value on my time.  I’m going to be bold and invite you to do the same.  Don’t have kids at home?  Then give your time to another kid – kids at your church, in your neighborhood, grand-kids, or whatever.  Imagine the impact we could have on the future generations if everyone poured Christian love into the lives of little ones.  Transformation takes place.  That is what happens.

Lord, help me be the vehicle for transformation.  Amen.

Mega vs. Not so Mega

My experience at Orange Conference last week was awesome.  I enjoyed all of my breakouts as well as the main sessions – and, getting a chance to bond with my ministry team was the real gift of it all.

I will take time to post on certain aspects of what I learned later this week.  For today, though, I wanted to just ruminate a bit about a running theme I ran up against during each session.  Most, if not all, of the leaders for both the breakouts and the main sessions are from “mega” churches.  Everything they spoke about, led us on, and commented toward was in reference to their “mega” church experiences.  I was left (and several on my team were left with the same) wondering how that applied to us “not so mega” churches.

I sat next to a gal in one of our breakouts who was an uber volunteer at her church leading children and youth.  Her church worships roughly 200 a week and they can’t afford a paid staff person to do what she is doing.  She seemed lost, swimming in this sea of mega church ideas and philosophies.  I spoke with her in-depth about my “not so mega” church experiences and I hope that she was able to glean a little more out of the conference after our conversation.

I have no beef with “mega” churches.  I praise God often for the mere fact that so many churches like that reach such a huge multitude of people for Christ.  We should work together for the Kingdom and not in competition with each other.  However, I do feel that different size churches serve in unique ways and their ability and audience require a unique method of ministry.  Sometimes I feel that conferences like this miss the boat when they have this “one size fits all” mentality.  And, since they are so huge and, apparently, popular and thriving, then they must have all the answers.  Well, no, not necessarily.

One breakout session I went to was super helpful and did do a good job relating to all of us in the room.  He mentioned, several times, how important it is to know your audience.  This is applied in all areas of ministry from worship to children’s ministry to evangelism.  Where your church is located, how large it is, who its current members are, and even what it looks like makes an impact on how the church does (or should do) ministry.  I appreciated that one of the sessions addressed this well.  The others . . . not so much.

Honestly, I have no intention of being a “mega” church here in Mooresville, NC.  But, maybe if we begin thinking and planning bigger than we actually are, wonderful things can happen.  Or maybe we can glean some small things from the larger message.  I’m not sure, but as I unpack my week in upcoming posts, maybe the Lord will speak to me (and to you) and we can come up with those answers together.

Orange 13

Heading to Atlanta in a few minutes to attend the Orange Conference.  I’m excited because I’ve never attended this particular conference before and the speakers look awesome.  I’m hoping to glean some good stuff from this event – so much so that I think I’ll try to post often on what I’m learning so I can share what I glean with others.  If you are unfamiliar with Orange, here is a link:

http://www.whatisorange.org/orangeconference/2013

I ask that you pray for all of us attending this conference, that we will be open to what the Holy Spirit is saying to us and that we are fired up and ready to put it into action when we return.  Okay, I’m outta here!